The cottonwood flying gently across my green and lush backyard brings the anniversary of your death front and center. Two years since you left this earth. Two years of missed dinners and kitchen dances and Boy’s baseball games. Two years of not hearing you nag me or tell me how much you love me.
Two years was yesterday and two years was a lifetime ago. Time can be a funny little fucker.
So much has changed. Can you believe Mom, what’s going on in the world? I know for certain had you been here during this time of Covid-19, we would have fought like we did when I was 16. I know you would have loved wearing a mask — seriously – you would have added sparkle to it somehow. But I also know you would be going out, grocery shopping, stopping by my house with a watermelon or pie. It would have been challenging to get you to follow the shelter in place order and it would have stressed me out. Compliant, you never were.
And Mom. Ahmaud, Brionna, George. Mom. I know your heart would have been broken. You would have stood up and posted all your thoughts all over Facebook so many times a day! Oh the fierce protection you would have felt for these three human beings. The fierce protesting you would have done….
And Mom! Can you believe Girl had to come home from studying abroad? Can you believe Boy didn’t have a senior year or prom or final sport’s season? Mom! What the hell is going on?
The world is crazy, and I miss you. Did you hear me ask you to help me out last week? When Boy graduated from High School? Of course you did. That’s why the day was sunny, that’s why I felt grateful for every moment, even though it wasn’t the day we had thought it would be when I thought you would be there too. You heard me and you guided me to a day of joy and pride. And sadness too. I mean, your main man is leaving the nest Mom!
Are you proud of us Mom? I imagine you are. You would be so happy that I am working again. The resilience Girl has shown during this time is a sight to behold. I know you would have expected nothing less from your angel. And Boy? He’s taken it all the hardest. I know he’ll be ok. You know why? He told me last week that he still has your voice mails on his phone. He played some for me. It makes us smile. He is the most thoughtful person I know. His spirit and his goodness reminds me of you.
I miss you FloFlo. We all miss you. Julie said that the world needs more FloFlos. Your greatest gift to all of us was the way you made everyone you touched feel seen and special. And yet. You were the specialist of the special my sweet Mama.