Even if you meditate, yes you can say the F word

It’s been happening a lot lately. From anyone who dares to ask. Sometimes the questions are truly curious and other times they’re said with  a passive aggressive snark. Since talking more and more with friends and family about the benefits I’ve seen from meditating, the comments keep coming: ‘Do you still get angry?’ ‘Are you always calm now?”  ‘Did you stop cursing?” And my favorite, after I struggled to find my boots after a very busy work-out class ended and a flurry of women were fluttering around the shoe cubby area: “I see all that meditation can’t help you find your shoes!”

Let’s be clear. Meditation has helped lessen my anxiety, helped me create a more healthy lifestyle and has provided a wealth of self awareness that in turn has helped make me make better desicions and live a more happy life. I could go on about the benefits of meditation, but for now, just as a start, read here.

That said, guess what? I still get angry, sad things still make me sad and I say What the Fuck? when the situation calls for it. Case in point – I was on vacation last week and due to the time change, woke up at 4:30 a.m to use the bathroom. After washing my hands, I reached for the hand towel on the glass shelf and in slow motion, (really it was slow motion!) the shelf inched off the wall, fell to the floor and shattered and shattered and kept shattering in thousands of little chards all over the floor. I said, strangely calm and yet pretty loud for 4:30 a.m. “HOLY. FUCK.”

Meditation or not, glass all over the floor, in the wee hours, with a roommate that I think I woke and the thought of where the hell am I gonna get a broom, for me, required a HOLY FUCK response.  I gotta say, I was more shocked than upset, more calm than riled and definitely focused on my feet making it out of the bathroom unscathed vs. the annoyance of the actual event.

A few years ago, I’m sure the curses would have come out, my heart would have raced and I would have been a lot more frustrated, maybe even taking my frustrations out on the front desk people and asking why the shelf was loose and what are we going to do and blahblahblah. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get back to sleep and would have ruminated about the annoyance until I had to get up the next day.  I did none of it.  I cursed, navigated my way (safely!) out of the bathroom, laughed with my roommate and called the front desk. Security came, cleaned up, all done.  Guess what I did to help fall asleep? Yeah I meditated. It helped.

Overall, meditating has helped me react more positively to situations, think with more clarity and behave with more compassion. But I’m human.  I’m always learning and always seeking. I’m far from perfect and meditation can’t stop life from coming at me or just plain annoying me.  Sometimes, certain things still push me over the edge and really get under my skin.  And yes, sweet friends, sometimes I still lose my cool and throw an F bomb out there. Do you?

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